Assumption junction what’s your function?

People love to make assumptions about us and our lifestyle based on the obvious.

Matt’s family and Matt’s profession.

I get it. It’s easy to look at someone who seemingly is surrounded by fame (not often the case) and fortune (again, not so much) and think all sorts of grandiose things about their life.

I’m just as guilty for assuming too. I full on believe that Oprah has her maids change out her bedsheets every. single. day. No seriously though, I read that! Is that nuts or what?! Side note, I am the WORST at changing out sheets. Gross I know. Sorry Oprah. 😳

But moving on, let’s be real. We all assume this or that about everyone we come in to contact with based on preconceived stereotypes. Totally understandable. You see a friend go on a fancy trip or they have a humongous Joanna Gaines worthy decorated home and your’e like, they must be rolling in it. Human nature I suppose.

Well it seems our lifestyle get’s even more attention because we have family that can sometimes be in the public eye. But it can be very frustrating and annoying for various reasons. For many years I was very guarded and secretive about Matt’s job and his family, especially in the little town we live in because unfortunately people often misjudge us. Or just plain judge us, sometimes in a not so nice way.
(Not gonna lie, it’s also because I get very tired of always answering questions about my husband. I love him. I’m his biggest fan. But I have a life and I don’t need to spend it answering the same 5 questions about his background every day of the week.)

I wonder if my kids are being judged or treated differently. My kids get asked about their Dad and Grandpa by their teachers and they are very used to it but I do tell them to please not mention it to anyone if they can help it. Living in a small town I’m still so guarded. And a chronic over-worrier. But now of course here I am blabbing it all on the internet so clearly I’m trying to drop my guard a little.

Ok, so to break it down for you here are the main stereotypical assumptions I seem to hear:

Assumption 1: You are loaded. Rich! You must be millionaires!

Yeah, no, no and no.

Background musicians make a pretty average living. We call it the feast to famine lifestyle. My husband has worked in all sorts of musical circles. From weddings with small bands to playing in arena’s in front of thousands. He’s also a session singer and has worked on other artists albums or commercials. The money in this business is always negotiable, and generally based on the budgets of the gig meaning for some gigs you may do amazing. For others, peanuts. Just depends. It’s not the most consistent or fair industries to work in. Matt’s been lucky. He has consistently found work for the last 30 years but the touring life is cyclical. Meaning some months he’s very, very busy and some months he’s home. Like I said feast or famine. Or peaks and valley’s. It takes some pretty creative budgeting.

And, for those who have insinuated this to me throughout the years…no, Matt is not a trust fund kid (if only!) Nor am I (if only!) An old bandmates wife once said to me in regards to my husband, “It must be great being a trust fund kid.” First, vomit. Second, he’s not. Third, HOW RUDE! 😡

Assumption 2: You guys must take amazing vacations and travel the world for free.

I wish, but not so.

So here’s the reality…it’s expensive to travel with a family of 5. So like most average American’s we go on little road trips here or there. Pretty much anywhere we can get to in a days drive. A lot of these road trips are to L.A. for Matt’s work. When we can we tag along when he’s on tour, especially if there is a free hotel involved. But it is hard following a tour and not conducive to really having a family vacation so it’s not often that we are on the road with him. Everyday another town. It’s exhausting.
In the last 5 years we have taken two “big” vacations. And both were attached to a tour. This means Matt’s flight is paid for which leaves us to pay for 4 extra tickets and we have a free hotel room for part of the time but since we have 3 growing children it’s pretty hard to stuff 5 people in one hotel room (not gonna lie here…we still do it. Make it work people!) so we have to pay for an extra attached room. Again…normal people problems with trip budgeting issues just like the rest of you.

Assumption 3: You must live in a spacious, gorgeous, Joanna Gaines decorated house. (Yeah, I’m obsessed with JG. Card carrying Fixer Upper fan right here!)

If you’ve been following my Instagram @hey.its.sooz you may have noticed that we live in a log cabin. Not one of those massive, custom cabins you see on HGTV. We live in a “tiny home” log cabin. OK, let me rephrase that because my husband says I’m being too dramatic by calling it a “tiny home”. It’s a very small home. I mean you couldn’t pull it on a flat bed and haul it but for a family of five it can be a tight squeeze. And I’m not being modest here. It’s little. We share small rooms. We have two very tiny bathrooms. My kitchen is like a galley in a submarine. I kid you not. When Matt and I met and I moved in to his bachelor pad cabin in the woods it was quaint and cozy. Then we had one child…still pretty perfect. Second child…getting tight but we’re a close family. Third child….oh crap! Dogs and cats later and it’s a freaking tight squeeze.

But here’s the pluses to living in a teeny tiny too small cabin. Our little home sits on a couple of acres. 🌲We get to watch wildlife walk through our property. It actually promotes family closeness in my opinion because we are in tight quarters. We have lots of space to have privacy and peace and quiet.
So that’s the trade off. It’s an older, smaller home with a strange layout but it’s a work in progress and we LOVE it! 

Assumption 4:  If your house is too small why don’t you guys build an addition and do upgrades and construction on your home? (I hear this one a lot!)

See Assumption number 1.🤑

Assumption 5: Your Dad’s a Beach Boy…can he sing at school? Can you donate to our cause? Can we get tickets to your show?

Our oldest daughter came home from school recently and said that her teacher gave her his CD of his personal music and asked us to pass it along to her Dad or Grandpa. What thee F dude! Another teacher at her school that wasn’t even one of her teachers had asked her if she could get her Grandpa to come in and talk and play for the kids. It bothers me that my kids have to navigate the awkwardness of these requests but just as their Dad did when he was little, they will learn to smile and simply say I’m sorry but no. It’s hard enough being a kid trying to fit in without someone trying to get you to hook them up with a record deal. 😛 So weird.

We also get hit up a lot for donations. Mostly by people that don’t know us. They just know OF us. Whatever that means. It’s par for the course but I’m sure when they go home they talk about how stingy we are but the reality is we are working parents trying to raise our kids and give them a good life. We save when we can. We are in the hole now and then. I hate bursting the imaginary bubble but we are just regular folk living an interesting life.

And tickets. Well that’s normal and we definitely don’t mind doing what we can, when we can especially for our friends and family. but sometimes…well..we can’t (especially if you’re a stranger so please don’t email me for tickets. 😜

We’re just a bunch of regular Joe’s making a living

So if it sounds like I’m complaining, I’m not (ok, maybe a little🙃) But really we’re not weird about talking about our crazy life especially to close friends. I get it that it’s interesting. Don’t feel weird talking to me or asking me questions. I’m pretty much an open book these days.

Just another peek into my life as a musicians wife and all the assumptions that come with it!

Do you have a job or a lifestyle that garners stereotypes and assumptions? Drop me a comment!

P.S. I’m pretty sure we can all continue to assume the craziest lifestyle assumptions about Oprah though. When you’re a gazillionare you’re kind of fair game. 😜

xo, Sj